Reflection

As embark on my second half of 30 I have noticed that I have been very reflective of my past, and while some of it may be painful, alot of things that happened in my life have shaped me to be the person I am today.
For instance, I read in the news how tresure hunters found a missing Russian train in Poland stolen during WWII. Being Polish myself I often think about that time and how life was for my grandmother. I heard hundreds of my grandmother’s stories , before she passed in 2008, of her ordeal during the Holocaust. She was taken from her home and sent on a train. When they got to their destination she stood in line, alone, afraid. They were seperating people left, to one group, and right to another. Breaking up families, children crying. The man in front of her was told to go right. My grandmother left. The group sent right were sent to the gas chambers, the group my grandmother was in were sent to labor camps. The fact she escaped death like that, I think haunted her the rest of her life, though she never spoke about it.
This story STILL haunts me. I think about the little things I complain about and how they don’t even compare to what my grandmother went through. Yes I have fibromyalgia and yes I bitch about it, but then I think of my grandma, and what she was going through at my age and she had no choice but to be strong. My grandmother also did not like being called a victim….and neither do I!!!
It’s funny that she doesn’t know how her bravery back then is the strength I reach for everyday!
Other things about turning 30 that I’ve realized is to let goooo of the small stuff… I used to obsess over my body, my looks, my grades, my job, my family, my friends. Now I feel more confident than ever in my body…I have a husband who loves me, I’m taking some me time and finally doing something for myself by finishing college, I have a great group of friends who are life longers, everyone else who fell away didn’t really matter anyway, and bottom line is….Just have fun! I don’t want to sound like a slacker but life is too short to stress all the time! I feel like 30 is just the beginning. I’ve survived cancer and am productively living with a chronic illness. I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished and cannot wait to see what the future holds!!!

xk

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