So I’ve been down and out lately for a number of reasons and in my wallowing I find myself humming the Beatles tune “don’t let me down”. Yes it’s one of their best songs (in my opinions) but it’s the lyrics “it’s a love that lasts forever, it’s a love that had no past” that I find really sticking out in my mind. I’ve been really evaluating a lot of changes in my life….HUGE changes….and I’ve been feeling kind of lost. I feel disconnected. Then I think about those lyrics. How can you love something…someone…you don’t know aka have no past with? What is love? Is it a emotional connection built up over time? Are we pre-disposed to automatically “love” somethings, for example the first time you see your baby, without ever bonding with this thing before? How do we automatically fall in love with this being? But it happens….
I have friendships that have come and go, some that have withstood the test of time, and those that are just ” acquaintances” . But just because I no longer am friends with someone doesn’t mean I never cared or loved them. There are some people I no longer talk to but just because we don’t speak doesn’t mean I won’t reach out to them when a significant life event happens. I guess what I am trying to say is: caring, loving, communicating with someone takes energy. It takes effort. Yes, I can admit this action can be exhausting. Caring for someone can be exhausting. But we end up doing it anyway. What I’ve been contemplating lately is: when does this stop?. When do we loose interest? When and WHY do we stop caring?
I don’t think we will ever find out these answers. Even after death, even after the break up, divorce, separation, we still feel something for that person. It may not be on purpose either. Yes, life can get busy, things happen, people change. But when do we stop putting energy into a relationship? Do you ever stop and think ” wow I haven’t checked in with this person in a while, I wonder how they are doing?”
This energy, life force, connections to those I have personally put energy into is off balance, I can feel it. Just like the season is changing so are these connections in my life. As said before I’m evaluating changes in my life, and this loss of connection is definitely driving some of those changes.