Tis the season…to be aware.

Christmas-Light-InstallationAs the holidays are upon us we all can predetermine a few things: that we will all get a little (or ALOT) stressed, we will probably eat a few things we shouldn’t, we will be spending a shit ton of money, driving anywhere near a mall will be a nightmare, oh and the shopping lines? Are you sweating a little bit just reading this? Yeah me too. But one thing I notice in all this commotion, is that even though this is supposed to be the season of giving, we all seem to be wrapped up in our own world (myself included). Yes we know that this is the season for giving, but the way we are wrapped up in our own stuff, the way we stress out about holidays, the way we treat other people in this shitball of madness does not seem “giving” at all. In fact the holidays seem to much of a hassle these days to even celebrate.

I know….I know…you’ve all heard the saying: the holidays have become more of a consumer shitshow than what they actually are supposed to represent, but year after year Black Friday marks the beginning of the “must have items we can’t live without for a cheap price so we camp out in the freezing cold and punch the person next to us who tries to take our shit” parade. It’s madness, yes. Yet every year it gets worse and worse and people become nastier and nastier.


For example: I was in a local shopping center where there happens to be a Starbucks. On my way home from morning classes I decided to stop in and get a cup of coffee. As I am getting out of my car and crossing the parking lot, a woman driving as fast as she can, to get a good parking spot, almost runs me over and stops within inches of my legs. I was in shock because I almost died, and the woman proceeds to roll down her window and tell me” watch where you’re going stupid bitch” while simultaneously honking her horn (as if I still don’t see her at this point) and drive off  to her “coveted” spot close to the store she needed to go in. I didn’t get an apology or any act of concern. For what?  I saw her come out of the store and she just bought a few toys…..All that for a few toys? (and the fact that she reproduced? but that’s another story). But seriously. How stressed, crazy, psychotic is this getting?

And it’s not just the holiday season. It seems we are becoming nastier and nastier. Where did out humanity go? What about helping the little old lady across the street, holding the door open, or even an “excuse me” when we accidentally bump into someone? When did we get so self involved we actually have become bitter? In our world today we have people looking for answers on their path in life. People are struggling with life itself. From the horrible bombings in Paris to the fifth grader getting bullied for not fitting in….where do we go with our struggles? are we that closed off that we hold all this anger and rage inside until we can’t take it anymore and explode? I am in no way saying that ISIS’ actions are justifiable in any way, but studies have found that people who join movements such as terrorist groups, are lost…they themselves are looking for a direction…to feel some sort of worth…why? because we have isolated those we feel not worthy enough t be in our society. Just as the Germans were lost when Hitler swooped in and brainwashed them, so are these poor souls, who are looking to belong to be part of something….because we as a society have become so self involved and judgmental that we tend to close people off, make them feel they don’t belong, and express this with blunt attitudes and nastiness. Not that all terrorists and killers are those mentioned above, but unfortunately, us as a society have contributed to this. We have to stop and take some responsibility for our actions. We must  realize that our actions speak volumes!

I myself have been isolated from others. When I returned to school after having cancer I was still pretty bald and wore a hat. I heard the other kids whispering behind my back. Things like “she looks like an alien” or”eww I don’t want to go near her and get sick”. Though these statements hurt I could take it. I was more focused on getting better and having my life back than the opinion of some clueless people. However, it wasn’t till a popular “jock” came up from behind me and flipped my hat off in front of the whole school that I was ashamed of who I was. I was always taught to believe in myself by and let things roll off my back when they weren’t worth it. But this particular event changed me. Looking like a deer in the headlights as everyone laughed and pointed at me, nobody came to my rescue, or told the boy he was fucked up. I picked my hat up off the floor (and picked up my pride) and kept walking as if it didn’t phase me. I wasn’t going to let anyone see me cry and give them that satisfaction. The satisfaction of knowing they broke me. They broke me down soo bad…I could only compare it to rape. I didn’t know where I belonged, why this happened to me, why was I soo alone, why were they sooo cruel. – Let me tell you, parts of me still, want to go to that boys house and run over his body several times…but because of years of therapy, support from a great family, and a great circle of friends I didn’t turn to the dark side. Sure, I am not perfect, who is? but I choose not to let my painful past define me. I refuse to be bitter and mean to others just because of what I went through.

Unfortunately, there are those who cannot find the light at the end of the tunnel and as we approach this holiday season all I ask is that you be aware.  It is sooo easy to get caught up in our everyday lives and with the added chaos of shopping and parties it’s even more chaotic. Please take time to notice those around you who you may not always pay attention to. Maybe it’s a neighbor, a friend you haven’t connected with, a coworker who is struggling….take a minute to ask how they are. That’s it. Maybe you are not speaking to someone…is it time to forgive and forget? What about YOU! Have you noticed you’ve been a little selfish or unpleasant lately? Maybe you need to take time for yourself in order to be a better you!….whatever the reason let’s take time to be aware this holiday season. Our world could use some healing…be the change….open your heart…and most importantly be aware!!!

Light and Love



keep calm and get your joy on

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